Chatting with St. Louis' First Same-Sex Newlyweds

Exclusive: Getting to know the couples who are challenging Missouri's same-sex marriage ban

Written by Andrea Piamonte

Published in theVitalVOICEMagazine.com

Tears of joy sparkled in four St. Louis couples’ eyes as they proudly stood in Mayor Slay’s office this morning. They have challenged the Missouri same-sex marriage ban. Now, after years of waiting, John Durnell and Richard Eaton, David Gray and Tod Martin, Miranda Duschack and Karen Mimo Davis, and Terry Garrett and Bruce Yampolsky are legally married in St. Louis and the state of Missouri.

Last night, these four same-sex couples exchanged their long awaited vows in Mayor Francis Slay’s office. Recorder of Deeds Sharon Quigley Carpenter beamed as she signed the marriage licenses and Municipal Judge Joseph Murphy officiated the ceremonies.

Through the efforts of Mayor Slay, Shane Cohn, HRC, PROMO and other LGBT advocates, the couples were able to make their wedding dreams a reality.

“We purposely created a clear, direct, legal challenge to Missouri’s unconstitutional ban on marriage equality,” Mayor Slay says. “I want to get this before the courts so we can settle this issue once and for all on behalf of anyone who has been negatively impacted by the entrainment of insidious discrimination within the Missouri state constitution.”

After the press conference at City Hall this morning, Vital VOICE exclusively talked with the four newlywed couples about the impeccable timing of their marriage correlating with Pride weekend.

With Pride this weekend, what does your recent marriage mean to you?

Richard Eaton and John Durnell Richard and John were the first to finalize their marriage. Together for 39 years

Richard: This can be an introduction to Pride. I think when we see the mayor riding down the street in the convertible, as we always see him in the Pride parade, he doesn’t know how much people appreciate what he has done in his leadership.

John: It makes me think about the first Pride we went to and how we would not walk in the parade. I can remember people marching in the parade that wore paper bags over their head so they wouldn’t be recognized. Now, Pride is downtown and with the Mayor being able to announce this, it just shows his commitment to our community. He is opening the doors for us. It’s not even on the state level… it’s the city doing this. It just shows how progressive we are when people try to stop us from making progress.

I always hoped that we would get the opportunity to get married in our city — in our state. We have friends that have been married in Iowa and New York. I love that they are married, but it was always my dream to be married where I have grown up and where I live. I’m proud that we are able to be the first ones to do that. When you look downtown now at night, it’s lit up — they have the Pride colors and it’s all over the place. And you see the flag right there, behind the Mayor’s podium. That’s a strong commitment from our city.

Tod Martin and David Gray Together for 22 years

David: Tod mentioned this in the press conference earlier, but when you go through all these weddings with your family and friends, you don’t really totally get it until you go through it yourself. We’ve been together for 22 plus years and I still wasn’t prepared for what happened last night, in terms of how you feel, the emotion. I can’t understand why anyone would want to deny someone the right to go through that ceremony and that official piece of finalizing a relationship based on who you are. I absolutely get it now.

Tod: First of all, it wasn’t available to us, right? It’s not something that we could even imagine doing ourselves. Neither one of us grew up planning our perfect wedding, but we also just thought that it was something that wasn’t going to be possible. Last night, it finally was. We realized just what that meant for us. Everybody in Missouri needs an opportunity to feel that if they want.

Karen Mimo Davis and Miranda Duschack Karen and Miranda were first married in 2012 during a spiritual ceremony. Together for 4 years

Miranda: It’ll be a great time to celebrate!

Karen: Is there any better kickoff to Pride? A bigger picture was that it wasn’t so much about history because in ten years, no one is really going to remember that this was history. But it was big for me because of us. Historically, I want to wake up in the morning and know that I was on the right side. That when I was given, what I call a torch. It comes from the beginning of my brothers and sisters, from Stonewall, and from Matthew Shepard. When that torch was passed to me and when I have an opportunity to pick up that torch, I need to wake up every morning and say I took it, and ran with it.

Terry Garrett and Bruce Yampolsky Terry and Bruce were featured in Vital VOICE’s August 2013 Silver Issue. Together for 30 years

Bruce: We’re very proud. It’s the appropriate time, obviously and it’s his birthday this Sunday! That’s why the parade is going to be downtown…. [He jokes] well, because of Pride as well. We’re showing to our LGBT community what they are fighting for. The previous generations made it easier for us and easier for younger LGBT members coming out.

Terry: Who gives anybody a right to love? You know, it says in Genesis that God created us all in his own image. So how could we fight God? We’ve been through so many trials and tribulations and with Pride being this week, this is giving the younger generations the opportunity that we did not have. Love is an endless thing.

In regards to being featured in Vital VOICE’s August 2013 Silver Issue:

Terry: You know, looking back on that feature, I look at the past thirty years as practice. The next thirty years are for real.

Wes Mullins Wes was the pastor who officiated Durnell and Eaton's wedding Pastor at the Metropolitan Community Church of Greater St. Louis (MCCGSL)

Wes: It’s so appropriately timed. We get to celebrate this here, today. We also get to come together as the GLBT community this weekend and celebrate as a community in the middle of downtown St. Louis. As a pastor and a Christian, I believe that God is a God of love and justice. And today, love and justice has taken one more step toward equality for all of us.

Now, after these four same-sex marriages licenses have been signed, officials at St. Louis City Hall have announced that no more marriage licenses will be issued. It will be a long legal battle, but it’s clear to see that St. Louis is leading the way in a positive direction for Missouri as a whole.

“Make no mistake about it,” Mayor Slay says. “All of us standing here this morning are doing this to force the issue and to get the law settled for everyone who wants to get married in the state of Missouri.”